Posts Tagged group leader
By Allen White
Recently a small group pastor asked me, “Where do you stand on the Hosts versus Leaders Debate? People grow in groups, but you don’t have to know anything to be the leader??? I feel like I need to train more but no one wants to sit through training.” This are very important issues. Let me break down this question and offer a few thoughts.
The Hosts versus Leaders Debate
I don’t believe a Hosts versus Leaders Debate is necessary. It’s like a Children versus Adults Debate. At one point in our lives we are children, and then we become adults. Back in 2002 with the launch of 40 Days of Purpose, Rick Warren and the team at Saddleback Church introduced us to the term “Host.” The thought was that most people wouldn’t say they were “leaders,” so the invitation was changed to “host a group” by brewing a pot of coffee and being a “Star with your VCR.” What we discovered were a few problems, but a ton of new leaders who would have never called themselves leaders. “Host” was a great way for people to self-identify as a leader, even if they didn’t know that’s what they were doing.
A host, in turn, becomes a leader. Usually churches will “lower the bar” to allow anyone to host a group. I prefer to say “delay the requirements.” Every church must decide what the minimum requirements would be to allow someone to test drive a small group. If the hosts enjoy leading the group, then they are invited on a pathway to become official small group leaders. This is when the requirements come back into play. But, there is an important loop hole here.
Some people are content to be hosts. They don’t want to become official. Does the church require them to become official? The church could. But, the cat’s already out of the bag. The host doesn’t need the church in order to continue. They just need another video-based curriculum. At that point communication breaks down, and the hosts operate outside of the group system and coaching structure. This doesn’t need to happen, if the church is patient.
The hosts should be given a choice whether to become official or to wait for the next church-wide campaign to come around. It’s not perfect, but it may very well be more than what they were doing before.
Some leaders are children. Others are teenagers. Most become adults. But, all leaders follow that pattern.
“People grow in groups, but you don’t have to know anything to be the leader???”
Years ago I started teaching theology and practical ministry classes at a Bible institute. I was a little intimidated about teaching in my first semester. I felt I needed a better understanding of the subject. I didn’t want to appear foolish. And, I certainly didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of my class. A veteran teacher coached me, “You just have to be one week ahead of the students.”
Granted I had earned a B.A. and an M.Div. I knew the subjects. I just hadn’t taught the subjects. I held the veteran teacher’s secret dearly. I just needed to be one week ahead of my class. And, that’s exactly how I taught at the Bible institute for the next 10 years.
People grow in groups. I absolutely agree. New leaders also grow in groups. They don’t need to have a lot of training to get started. They just need to get started. As issues come up with the group, the new leader should have a coach to turn to. The new leader’s problems become teachable moments. Those lessons will stick with the leaders forever. Put an experienced leader in the life of the new leaders and most of the training will take place on-the-job.
“I feel like I need to train more but no one wants to sit through training.”
I used to feel the same way. Seminary prepared me to lead training meetings. Then, I discovered real ministry. I would carefully plan my training meetings and advertise them well in advance only to stand in an empty room questioning the call of God on my life.
Training with centralized meetings didn’t work for me. I had to stop and ask myself, “What is training?” What I discovered was that training could be a two minute conversation in the hallway or a two minute video sent out to all of the group leaders. (If you need topics and content for your training videos, check out the training section of my book, Exponential Groups, on pages 178-200). Training can be a text message or a voice mail. The best training comes in the relationships between leaders and their coaches.
There is a place for formalized training. A one-time basic training event could be held after each six week campaign to give the new leaders or hosts instruction on how to lead a group at your church. Beyond this, the leaders will gauge what training they need regardless of what small group pastors like me think they should have.
I finally reached a place where I only held two centralized training events per year. I gathered all of the group leaders each Fall to introduce them to the new curriculum and to recruit coaches from our established leaders. In the book, I refer to this as the “Sneak Peek.”
The second meeting was often a group leaders’ retreat early in the year. We would choose a place that was an hour and a half or so away. (In California, this retreat was in Monterey, so if you have that option, take it!) The leaders would pay for their lodging and some of their meals. I would budget for the speaker. This became a very popular event for our leaders. The best part was the leaders could articulate things they learned at the retreat six months after the retreat, because the training was set apart from the normal routine of life.
I appreciate honest questions like this. I don’t believe the hosts versus leaders thing needs to be an either/or. I see it more like Stage 1 and Stage 2. If people don’t respond to an invitation to lead, then an invitation to “host” might do the trick. Personally, I think the term “host” is a bit dated at this point. There are other ways to invite people to lead without using the word “leader.”
Training is not a dinosaur, but the form of centralized training might be. Someone asked me once why I thought their leaders didn’t come to their training. Having no knowledge of this person’s training, I said, “Well, they don’t come because your training is boring and irrelevant.” He was taken aback. How could I make such an accusation about his training? I told him I knew it because that’s why people didn’t come to my training meetings. The good news is there are so many ways to communicate with people these days, there are many training opportunities, we just need to update our methods.
By Allen White
When your group members ask for accountability, there are right ways and wrong ways to offer it. Some accountability comes across as coaching and encouraging. Other efforts at accountability seem condescending and defeating. Here are some things to consider in setting up accountability with others:
1. How does accountability work?
Accountability fails when it’s conducted by an accountant. “Your goal was to exercise four times last week, but you only exercised two times. Now, you need to repent and pledge to do better next week.” Yikes! Sounds like they’ll be skipping the next accountability meeting too.
The Bible tells us that “love keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). If the purpose of accountability is to confront the person with their failures, it’s a failure. The nature of accountability can’t be merely a ledger recording wins and losses.
Accountability works when it’s more like coaching and less score keeping. If the member only got two workouts in this week, then the response should be: “Good, you got two in. What kept you from doing all four? How did you feel after your workouts? How did you feel when you skipped your workout? How can I help you this next week?” What are the reasons behind the success or failure? What motivates them? What demotivates them? Everybody is motivated by different things.
Accountability partners need to know that you have their best interest at heart. Your prayers are significant. Your short voice mail messages or texts or tweets can encourage them daily. But, encouragement should be given in appropriate doses otherwise it can seem like a backhanded rebuke.
2. Who should provide accountability?
While as the group leader, you should have an accountability partner, especially if you are advocating accountability. But, the group leader shouldn’t have more than a couple accountability relationships himself. “But, the group has never done this. What if they don’t do it right?” Okay, Moses, read Exodus 18 and take a breath.
The group leader can coach the group on providing and receiving accountability. But, there is no way to maintain an accountability relationship with every person in your group, and it’s not healthy either. Ideally, group members should be matched with someone who has a measure of victory in the area they are holding another accountable for. This just makes sense.
Who do you want coaching you on weight loss – the guy who lost 80 pounds in the last year or the guy who would like to? You want the guy who has succeeded.
If someone wants to get up at 5:30 every morning to start a quiet time, they need someone who is up at that hour to give them a wakeup call for a while. (By the way, 5:30 pm is just as spiritual as 5:30 am – just sayin’).
Your group might not even want to use the term “accountability partner.” For several years, my group had “prayer partners.” Two of us got together every other week to pray for each other. There was some checking in involved in the process, but it didn’t feel like a pop quiz.
Done the right way, accountability can be a good tool to strengthen your group and deepen their relationships with each other and with God. As long as you keep the “Why” ahead of the “What,” your group could be well served with this.
Related Article: How Do I Make My Group Members Accountable?
Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard by Chip and Dan Heath
Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Daniel Pink (Read my review here).