By Allen White Some things in life are just as effective and more efficient in their disposable form. Think about diapers. Our family has cloth diapers and disposable diapers. Both serve the same purpose. Yet the cloth diapers require a great deal of maintenance and care. The disposables serve their purpose, then find their way to the landfill. The added bonus to disposable diapers is the dad in our family will actually change those. Cloth diapers? Well forget it. What if we offered small groups in a disposable form? Before the relationships get messy, before the leader needs training, before you need to assign a coach, just reboot the group. Dispose of the group before any of the usual group tensions take place. Think about it. Rather than enduring through the conflict and struggle of the small group lifecycle, we could just enjoy the first six weeks of the honeymoon phase, then cast the other problems aside. Let’s face it. Maintaining groups for the long haul is exhausting. 1. Disposable Groups Don’t Require Coaching. Most small group pastors feel overwhelmed by the thought of a coaching structure. Even if you can actually fill out the org chart, most coaches don’t even really know what to do. They like the title. They carry a certain amount of guilt from not coaching. For most churches, even if there is some sort of coaching structure in place, the small group leaders are basically on their own anyway. With disposable small groups, there is no need for coaching. If the group is really that bad off in the first six weeks, then you probably just need to dispose of it sooner rather than later. 2. Disposable Groups Don’t Need Training. People hate meetings. Pastors feel their calling in life is to hold meetings. But, most small group pastors are frustrated by the low attendance and general apathy toward their meetings. Disposable groups don’t need training. Seriously, how much could they possibly mess up in only six weeks? And, if they do, then see the last sentence in Point #1. After a long day’s work, people don’t have time to drive home, eat dinner, drive to the church, attend a meeting, then drive home and collapse into bed so they can do the same thing all over again in a few hours. Some small group pastors expect their leaders to give up part of their Saturday. Chances are slim to none leaders will show up then. 3. Why Deal with an EGR, If You Can Just Leave Them Behind? John Ortberg’s book says it all, “Everybody’s Normal Until You Get to Know Them.” If that’s the case, then disposable groups will keep the group relationships as normal as possible — You don’t really get to know people. You do a six week Bible study. There’s plenty of value in that. But, before people feel comfortable enough to share their idiosyncrasies, you’re outta there. What’s better is if you end up with an Extra Grace Required person, a.k.a. “weirdo,” you can cut them (and yourself)loose in only six weeks. After all, this group came together for only one series, and now you’re done! Whew! Dodged that bullet. 4. There Are Always More Groups in the Sea. While there may be some practical aspects of sustaining groups for the long term and not reinventing the wheel during church-wide campaigns, the beauty of disposable groups is an endless supply of potential group leaders/hosts/gatherers in your congregation. If you could have the same number of groups (or more) next Fall as you have this Spring, then why do all of the hard work of helping them survive the Summer, manage group dynamics, or select follow up Bible studies? After all, if you can say you have 50 groups now, and then you can post 65 groups in the Fall, why does it matter who’s actually leading the group? Numbers don’t lie. Whether your 65 groups in the Fall is made up of 50 Spring groups + 15 Fall groups or 65 brand new groups, you’ve still grown your small group ministry. Now, disposable small groups aren’t for everyone. Some prefer the cloth diaper approach, and that’s ok. Go ahead and spend the time avoiding sticks from safety pins and sloshing number two’s in the toilet. You’ll have continuity for sure. But, for the rest of us, we’ll just show up with a big case of Pampers in the Fall, and then we’ll see who has the most groups. Next up: Avoiding Disposable Small Groups
Irrational behavior has no good argument. Yes, Jesus challenged the religious leaders of His day, but He loved them just as much as He loved His disciples. Jesus came to save the lost. The high priest and the others were lost. They just didn’t know it. People who result to anger, cursing or violence aren’t interested in working through a problem. They only want their way. They make it clear that the only way to get along with them is to co-dependently acquiesce to their wishes. As long as you’re willing to stay on the bottom, things will work out just fine for the bully. That’s a hard place to live.How do you deal with an irrational person? Jesus provides some answers for us.
Meanwhile, the high priest questioned Jesus about his disciples and his teaching. “I have spoken openly to the world,” Jesus replied. “I always taught in synagogues or at the temple, where all the Jews come together. I said nothing in secret. Why question me? Ask those who heard me. Surely they know what I said.”
When Jesus said this, one of the officials nearby slapped him in the face. “Is this the way you answer the high priest?” he demanded.
“If I said something wrong,” Jesus replied, “testify as to what is wrong. But if I spoke the truth, why did you strike me?” Then Annas sent him bound to Caiaphas the high priest. John 18:19-24
1. Stay Calm. When someone yells at you, it’s hard not to yell back. But, then again, you’re not in Kindergarten any more. If the other person decides to jump off of the cliff emotionally, jumping off with them won’t solve anything. (Remember what your mother used to say.)The Bible tells us, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). This is a proverb, not a promise. Jesus gave no harsh words. He stayed calm.
2. Speak the Truth. When people are upset, it’s easy to start back pedalling and even saying whatever it takes to get them out of your face. The problem is that you lose your integrity in the process. The Bible says, “…a double-minded man [is] unstable in all he does” (James 1:8, NIV 1984).The great thing about always telling the truth is that you don’t have to remember what you said. If you always tell the truth, you’re consistent. But, it’s necessary to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). Truth-telling is not an excuse for rudeness.
3. Avoid Personal Attacks. Jesus taught to turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:39), then He got slapped. He didn’t over-react. He didn’t retaliate. He didn’t call down 10,000 angels (Matthew 26:53).Jesus knew that His accusers weren’t the enemy. He was fulfilling God’s mission. It wasn’t pleasant. That’s for sure. But, it was necessary for our salvation.When someone challenges you, points out a fault, or falsely accuses you, it’s a natural defense to point out the accuser’s faults. It’s childish, but it’s natural. But, it doesn’t get you anywhere.If what they are saying is true, even if it’s hard to accept, then we need to take it under consideration. If it’s false, then we really don’t need to worry about it.My kids often get hurt feelings when one calls the other a “baby.” I’ll ask them, “Well, are you a baby?” “No,” they reply. “Then don’t worry about what they say.” Now, nobody likes to be called a “baby,” not even me, especially when I am acting like one.
When you’re falsely accused, you need to remind yourself of the truth. You need to be who you are whether others like it or not. When you get into defending yourself to false accusations, you’re just wasting your time. There’s no winning there. “For the LORD will vindicate his people and have compassion on his servants” (Psalm 135:14).What irrational behavior are you dealing with these days? Who is getting under your skin? Pray for them. Ask God to help you calmly speak the truth when you encounter them. Then let God do His work. If you need help getting started, pray this: Psalm 109.Today’s post comes from the devotional blog: galatians419.blogspot.com
The pace of life can certainly interfere with group life. A wise person observed, “Today, people have more ways than ever to connect, yet are more disconnected than they’ve ever been.” I would certainly agree. There is a big difference between things that keep us busy versus things that keep us connected. Facebook is an incomplete substitute for face time. But, face time can be rare. What do you do when group members are on the road with their job or overwhelmed with their kids?
Well, what happens outside of the group effects what happens in the group. The time we spend with our group members outside of the group meeting will increase the quality of the group meeting experience. Typically, we would think of inviting group members to a barbecue (or is that grilling out?); meeting for a cup of coffee; or even running an errand together. But, what do you do when they can’t get together?
Phone a Friend. Busy friends probably don’t have an hour to talk, but they might have a few minutes. Just call to let them know that you’re thinking about them. A quick check-in to follow up on a prayer request or let them know that they’re missed means a lot to group members. Recommendation: It’s best that male leaders call male group members, and females call females. We wouldn’t want our concern to appear to be something else.
Pray on Their Voice Mail. If you feel prompted to pray for one of your group members, why not let them know? When you call, even if you just get their voice mail, let them know that you are praying for them and their situation. You might even want to pray right there on the phone. It will especially mean a lot to let them know you just called because you care, and that’s it. If you add on two or three reminders, questions or other information at the end, they might wonder why you really called. Suggestion: This works great on personal voice mail, but not so great on a home answering machine. Just imagine if someone else in the house hears a message that says, “I am praying for you and the difficulties you are having with your spouse…”
Email. Written communication is far more difficult than in-person or even voice communication. Emails lack tone of voice and attitude. If I emailed, “Glad you could make it to group last night,” did I mean:
A. I was glad that you were there. B. Even though you were very late, I’m glad you could make it. C. Even though your attendance has been very erratic, I’m glad you could grace us with your presence. D. I feel like the group is a very low priority to you, so…
You get the picture. Emails can help us stay connected, if we know a person well, and if we are very clear with what we mean. Caution: Never try to resolve a conflict via email. It will turn into a nightmare. Even if someone shoots you an angry email, ask when you can meet face to face to discuss the situation. If you write an email in response to a conflict, push “Delete” not “Send.”
Social Networking. While Twitter, Facebook, Text Messages, Instant Messages, Skype, Tokbox and other social media tools can be overwhelming, they can also help you stay up to date with your group members. Again, the same cautions apply as with emails. It’s not the same as a conversation over coffee, but sometimes 140 characters or less is better than nothing.
Blog or Yahoo Group. A blog is a great way to share announcements and information with your group and receive their comments. Blogs are fairly easy to set up and many like blogger.com are free. Your group members can subscribe in a variety of ways and connect with each other. Yahoo Groups are another way to stay connected. Like blogs, yahoo groups can be made public or private depending on the level of communication your group is giving.
It’s great to get everyone together, but sometimes that’s hard to do. While these other means of keeping contact are not as good as a group meeting, they just might help your group stay connected with busy people.
