Posts Tagged people
Some things in life are just as effective and more efficient in their disposable form. Think about diapers. Our family has cloth diapers and disposable diapers. Both serve the same purpose. Yet the cloth diapers require a great deal of maintenance and care. The disposables serve their purpose, then find their way to the landfill. The added bonus to disposable diapers is the dad in our family will actually change those. Cloth diapers? Well forget it.
What if we offered small groups in a disposable form? Before the relationships get messy, before the leader needs training, before you need to assign a coach, just reboot the group. Dispose of the group before any of the usual group tensions take place. Think about it. Rather than enduring through the conflict and struggle of the small group lifecycle, we could just enjoy the first six weeks of the honeymoon phase, then cast the other problems aside.
Let’s face it. Maintaining groups for the long haul is exhausting.
1. Disposable Groups Don’t Require Coaching.
Most small group pastors feel overwhelmed by the thought of a coaching structure. Even if you can actually fill out the org chart, most coaches don’t even really know what to do. They like the title. They carry a certain amount of guilt from not coaching. For most churches, even if there is some sort of coaching structure in place, the small group leaders are basically on their own anyway. With disposable small groups, there is no need for coaching. If the group is really that bad off in the first six weeks, then you probably just need to dispose of it sooner rather than later.
2. Disposable Groups Don’t Need Training.
People hate meetings. Pastors feel their calling in life is to hold meetings. But, most small group pastors are frustrated by the low attendance and general apathy toward their meetings. Disposable groups don’t need training. Seriously, how much could they possibly mess up in only six weeks? And, if they do, then see the last sentence in Point #1.
After a long day’s work, people don’t have time to drive home, eat dinner, drive to the church, attend a meeting, then drive home and collapse into bed so they can do the same thing all over again in a few hours. Some small group pastors expect their leaders to give up part of their Saturday. Chances are slim to none leaders will show up then.
3. Why Deal with an EGR, If You Can Just Leave Them Behind?
John Ortberg’s book says it all, “Everybody’s Normal Until You Get to Know Them.” If that’s the case, then disposable groups will keep the group relationships as normal as possible — You don’t really get to know people. You do a six week Bible study. There’s plenty of value in that. But, before people feel comfortable enough to share their idiosyncrasies, you’re outta there.
What’s better is if you end up with an Extra Grace Required person, a.k.a. “weirdo,” you can cut them (and yourself)loose in only six weeks. After all, this group came together for only one series, and now you’re done! Whew! Dodged that bullet.
4. There Are Always More Groups in the Sea.
While there may be some practical aspects of sustaining groups for the long term and not reinventing the wheel during church-wide campaigns, the beauty of disposable groups is an endless supply of potential group leaders/hosts/gatherers in your congregation. If you could have the same number of groups (or more) next Fall as you have this Spring, then why do all of the hard work of helping them survive the Summer, manage group dynamics, or select follow up Bible studies? After all, if you can say you have 50 groups now, and then you can post 65 groups in the Fall, why does it matter who’s actually leading the group? Numbers don’t lie. Whether your 65 groups in the Fall is made up of 50 Spring groups + 15 Fall groups or 65 brand new groups, you’ve still grown your small group ministry.
Now, disposable small groups aren’t for everyone. Some prefer the cloth diaper approach, and that’s ok. Go ahead and spend the time avoiding sticks from safety pins and sloshing number two’s in the toilet. You’ll have continuity for sure. But, for the rest of us, we’ll just show up with a big case of Pampers in the Fall, and then we’ll see who has the most groups.
Next up: Avoiding Disposable Small Groups
By Allen White
it clear that the only way to get along with them is to co-dependently acquiesce to their wishes. As long as you’re willing to stay on the bottom, things will work out just fine for the bully. That’s a hard place to live.How do you deal with an irrational person? Jesus provides some answers for us.
When Jesus said this, one of the officials nearby slapped him in the face. “Is this the way you answer the high priest?” he demanded.
“If I said something wrong,” Jesus replied, “testify as to what is wrong. But if I spoke the truth, why did you strike me?” Then Annas sent him bound to Caiaphas the high priest. John 18:19-24
The pace of life can certainly interfere with group life. A wise person observed, “Today, people have more ways than ever to connect, yet are more disconnected than they’ve ever been.” I would certainly agree. There is a big difference between things that keep us busy versus things that keep us connected.
Facebook is an incomplete substitute for face time. But, face time can be rare. What do you do when group members are on the road with their job or overwhelmed with their kids?
Well, what happens outside of the group effects what happens in the group. The time we spend with our group members outside of the group meeting will increase the quality of the group meeting experience. Typically, we would think of inviting group members to a barbecue (or is that grilling out?); meeting for a cup of coffee; or even running an errand together. But, what do you do when they can’t get together?
Phone a Friend. Busy friends probably don’t have an hour to talk, but they might have a few minutes. Just call to let them know that you’re thinking about them. A quick check-in to follow up on a prayer request or let them know that they’re missed means a lot to group members. Recommendation: It’s best that male leaders call male group members, and females call females. We wouldn’t want our concern to appear to be something else.
Pray on Their Voice Mail. If you feel prompted to pray for one of your group members, why not let them know? When you call, even if you just get their voice mail, let them know that you are praying for them and their situation. You might even want to pray right there on the phone. It will especially mean a lot to let them know you just called because you care, and that’s it. If you add on two or three reminders, questions or other information at the end, they might wonder why you really called. Suggestion: This works great on personal voice mail, but not so great on a home answering machine. Just imagine if someone else in the house hears a message that says, “I am praying for you and the difficulties you are having with your spouse…”
Email. Written communication is far more difficult than in-person or even voice communication. Emails lack tone of voice and attitude. If I emailed, “Glad you could make it to group last night,” did I mean:
A. I was glad that you were there.
B. Even though you were very late, I’m glad you could make it.
C. Even though your attendance has been very erratic, I’m glad you could grace us with your presence.
D. I feel like the group is a very low priority to you, so…
You get the picture. Emails can help us stay connected, if we know a person well, and if we are very clear with what we mean. Caution: Never try to resolve a conflict via email. It will turn into a nightmare. Even if someone shoots you an angry email, ask when you can meet face to face to discuss the situation. If you write an email in response to a conflict, push “Delete” not “Send.”
Social Networking. While Twitter, Facebook, Text Messages, Instant Messages, Skype, Tokbox and other social media tools can be overwhelming, they can also help you stay up to date with your group members. Again, the same cautions apply as with emails. It’s not the same as a conversation over coffee, but sometimes 140 characters or less is better than nothing.
Blog or Yahoo Group. A blog is a great way to share announcements and information with your group and receive their comments. Blogs are fairly easy to set up and many like blogger.com are free. Your group members can subscribe in a variety of ways and connect with each other. Yahoo Groups are another way to stay connected. Like blogs, yahoo groups can be made public or private depending on the level of communication your group is giving.
It’s great to get everyone together, but sometimes that’s hard to do. While these other means of keeping contact are not as good as a group meeting, they just might help your group stay connected with busy people.