by Allen White
I know what you’re thinking — “Who is the fly lady?” The Fly Lady is a phenomena of household organization. She is on a quest, one household at a time, to defeat chaos and improve lives through decluttering and home organization.
Now, I know what you’re thinking next — “Why is she the Fly lady?” This can be confusing to some. She is not fly in the JLo from In Living Color sense. She became known for tying flies for fishing before her career began to help others “fly” through their household chores. Her site is http://flylady.net.
Now, before you stop reading, this is the principle I use every day for my task management: “The worst is first and fast.” Think about all of your tasks for the day. Which is the worst one? Writing your weekly blog post? Confronting someone on an issue? Painting the nursery for your new baby (mine)? Get it out of the way first. As quickly as you can, and then you can have your life back.
When we put things off, those “worst” tasks will drain the life out of everything else for the rest of our day, week, month, year. If it was done, it would be behind us. Wouldn’t that feel nice? Wouldn’t that lighten the load? Get the worst out of the way and get on with the rest. It’s no longer hanging over our heads. It’s done, fini, adios!
It’s a great principle I use every day. Give it a try.
Now, my wife is telling me this principle did not come from the Fly Lady, but rather from Donna Otto. Donna Otto is not the Fly Lady. I’m not sure they’ve met. The principle remains true. Check them both out!
By Allen White
Ben Reed is a gifted guy who blogs Life and Theology at benreed.net. He has a knack for finding leadership lessons in various situations, then blogs about them. For some reason, as I headed to the dump last week, I thought of Ben’s writing. (That isn’t a commentary of his writing, by the way). Here’s what I discovered:
1. When you have to wait, you have time to think.
If you’ve ever taken a load to the dump, you know there is no express lane at the dump. No fast pass. No gold card. It’s a great equalizer, except for the rich folks who pay people to go for them. Waiting in line at the dump gives you plenty of time to think.
John Maxwell said once, “We don’t learn by experience. We learn by evaluated experience.” After all if we solely learned by experience, then why has anyone ever repeated a mistake? We should have learned. But, when you take a little time to reflect, maybe as you’re waiting at the dump, you gain insights into not only what worked and what didn’t, but also what led you to the experience, why you were motivated to go there, and how you can be more effective in the future.
For instance, if you need to go to the dump, you understand to avoid Saturdays. Go in the middle of the day during the work week, if you can. Otherwise, you will end up with a LOT of time to reflect.
2. Any life situation can teach a lesson.
Some of us have “pastoritis.” We’re not allergic to pastors. But, we can turn any story into a spiritual analogy.
Back when we lived in Northern California, I would hike in Yosemite National Park with my friends. I would always “Mirandize” them prior to the trip: “Anything that happens can be used as a sermon illustrations.” There were a lot of great stories out of those trips – most at my expense.
If we pay attention, there are lessons to be learned all around us. Jesus did this in His teaching. He taught based on agriculture, shepherding, lilies, birds and many other common things. Jesus took unfamiliar concepts and packaged them in familiar language. What is your life teaching you?
3. When you go to the dump, you are not in charge.
No matter who you are, no matter how much you make, no matter who looks to you for leadership, when you’re at the dump, nobody cares. My son and I hopped out our van and began loading boxes into a large recycling container. A worker shouted across the parking lot, “Put the boxes in on the other side!” This wasn’t Jesus telling us to cast our nets on the other side.
Somehow the distribution of our cardboard was going to radically offset the recycling container’s balance. Not only were we recycling our cardboard, now we were sorting it. I was not in charge. I had to follow the rules. My status at the dump simply came down to this: was I a good customer who followed instructions or was I a bad customer about to be scolded by a county employee? Nothing else about me mattered in that moment.
4. A surprising mix of people use the dump.
As I looked around the dump, I saw a number of vehicles I was surprised to see at the dump. Maybe saving on trash pickup helped them to afford their cars. Then, there were other cars the owners could have very well left at the dump. I was driving my wife’s car, so we were somewhere in the middle.
Some people where there with an overabundance of yard waste. Others didn’t want to pay the $25 per month for garbage service, so they did it themselves. Several, like my son and I, were dutifully recycling. Others were trying to figure out why the sanitation workers wouldn’t haul off their old TVs and computers.
The dump isn’t mandatory like the DMV. You don’t have to go there. But, it’s free and it meets a variety of needs. I’m contemplating ending my garbage pickup, but I’m a little afraid they would keep my car too.
5. Mentioning “Ben Reed” on your blog is an SEO magnet.
Ben Reed is an outstanding small groups pastor at Grace Community Church. Ben Reed lives in Clarkesville, Tennessee. Ben Reed runs communication for the Small Group Network. Ben Reed tweets more than anybody I know. Ben Reed just helped my SEO…cha-ching. Thanks, Ben Reed, for being a good sport on my blog today.
By Allen White
Last week I had the privilege of sharing a few thoughts with Jay Daniell, host of GroupTalk for the Small Group Network. We talked
about recruiting new small group leaders. I had the chance of sharing about five different ways and possibly at the same time. You can listen HERE.
Here are my notes from the call:
What is a group leader?
- An “Official” Group Leader representing the church
- A Group Host for one series
- Someone who gathers their friends for a study – 700 new launched at HPC this month.
- Will they have the title of “leader”?
- Will their names be on the church website?
- Will they participate in a connection event?
Who should you recruit?
- Influencers, existing group members, anyone willing.
- The type of group will determine the starting point re: qualifications.
- Official group – church member, training, interview.
- Host home – member or not, briefing, interview/application.
- “Go and Grow” – breathing and briefing
What should you recruit them to?
- DVD-based curriculum – easy to use.
- Just-in-time training – on the DVD, Youtube, blog.
- Trial Run – 6 weeks – Are they actually good at gathering and leading?
- A job description and a rigorous process don’t guarantee “problem free” groups. According to Mark Howell, there is no “problem free.”
How should you recruit them?
- Small Group Pastor/Director – You shouldn’t.
- Leverage your senior pastor and the pulpit.
- Align the weekend service and the group study, if you can. If not, leverage the senior pastor and the pulpit anyway for a non-aligned DVD-based series.
What if my senior pastor isn’t interested?
- Get your senior pastor interested.
- Create your own curriculum.
- Give your pastor great stories from small groups.
- Begin to think: “How can we launch small groups on that?” – Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Grandparents Day, Columbus Day (singles)… Church events, church initiatives, major strategic moves in coming year.
- Intersect groups with your pastor’s interests.
- If your pastor wants to engage men, the answer is groups.
- If your pastor wants to improve stewardship, answer = groups.
- If your pastor wants to build a building…
- If your pastor wants to disciple new believers…
- Emphasize missions…
- Wherever God is leading your senior pastor to go, head right into that direction and become a broken record.
By Allen White
By now most small group pastors and directors understand coaches are essential to sustain and support small group leaders. While everyone will agree to the necessity of coaches, most don’t know what to do with coaches, and unfortunately, most coaches don’t know what to do period. Beautiful org charts in a lot of churches actually net zero results. Here are some tips to moving your coaches in the right direction:
1. Coaches Aren’t Accountants.
The problem with most accountability in Christian circles is that it becomes too much like accounting. Unlike Santa Claus, coaches do not relish keeping a naughty or nice list. What’s more, group leaders don’t appreciate being supervised by a supervisor. This doesn’t mean we throw caution to the wind, but we also don’t put a cruel task master over small group leaders. After all, “love keeps no record of wrongs,” right? (1 Corinthians 13:5). Read more on accountability that works here.
2. Coaches Aren’t Middle Managers, Bureaucrats or Spies.
Years ago, Carol, one of my coaches, complained to me, “I feel like I’m your spy.” At that point, I was still recruiting and training all of the group leaders myself. Carol and the other coaches were sent out to visit the groups and report back what they saw. No wonder she felt that way.
In recruiting coaches, we work hard to select mature, capable people to serve with us. Then, often because we don’t have the coaching role figured out ourselves, we tend to micromanage them as if they are neither mature nor capable. I didn’t keep many coaches that way.
The key is to elevate the role of coaching. When I chose coaches the next time around, I invited capable, mature people to join me in a journey. We met every week for dinner and to talk about the direction of our small groups. I committed to never make a decision about our small groups outside of that meeting. We led together.
These folks aren’t underachievers who need our constant motivation. These aren’t people who are prone to wander and need a steady reminder of direction. If they are, then they shouldn’t be coaching groups. If they’re not, then they deserve more respect than a place in our little bureaucracy.
3. The Role of the Coach is to Refocus the Player.
My friend and mentor, Carl George has drilled this phrase into my psyche. When you think about a coach in sports, he stands at the sidelines and guides his players. If the last play went terribly wrong, his job is to refocus the players on the next play. They can’t replay the last play on the field. But, if a bad play keeps replaying in the players’ minds, then the next play will also suffer.
Small group leaders have busy lives and are pulled in many different directions. On a particularly hectic day or difficult season, it’s easy for leaders to become discouraged and wonder why they ever got into this business in the first place. The relationship with the coach is key to maintaining momentum in groups. The coach is not making sure the job gets done. The coach is making sure the player is okay.
4. Give Your Leaders the Space to See What God is Doing
The most valuable function of a coach is giving a small group leader an opportunity to reflect on what God is doing in his or her group. Most would admit to the difficulty of working “in” something and “on” something at the same time. It’s nearly impossible. Often group leaders are working so hard in the group, they don’t see the big picture of what God is doing.
By setting aside an hour or so once every quarter, a coach can give group leaders the space they need to see what God is doing and to identify what is next. This is as simple as the coach asking the leaders to list the names of their group members, then asking them to talk about what God is doing in each person’s life. As the leaders discuss their members, the logical next steps will begin to surface for the leader.
Bob – Hasn’t been around for a while. I need to give him a call.
Joe – Struggling at his job. I need to pray for him and give him some encouragement outside of the group.
Steve – Lost his job. I need to check-in with him and see if there’s any way the group can help.
Tony – Making poor choices. I need to pray for him and for the right timing to have a tough conversation.
Brett – Shows strong leadership potential. I need to give him more responsibilities in the group and eventually invite him to co-lead with me.
You get the idea. The coach must approach this conversation as a learner, not as an instructor. It would be easy to quickly diagnose each member and offer next steps, but the next steps determined by the group leader will be the next steps that are actually executed.
To make this work, start with a few assumptions. Assumption #1: Group leaders have made themselves available to God, and God is using them in their group. If a group leader is going through a hard time, he may be wondering if God is doing anything at all. He needs encouragement. But, some group leaders so naturally use their gifts, they might not even realize how gifted they are. They also need a coach’s insight.
Assumption #2: Who you are as a coach is more significant than what you could every say to a group leader. Your relationship with your group leaders is the greatest gift you can offer them. When relationship comes first, tasks get accomplished. Without relationship, leaders easily burn out.
5. Small Group Pastors: Get Out of Your Coach’s Way
How many Team Owners or General Managers have made their coaches’ lives miserable? Small Group Pastors and Directors, like their coaches, should approach their roles as learners, not drill sergeants. God wants to use your coaches. Unfortunately, the biggest obstacle to effective coaching is often a well-meaning Small Groups Pastor.
While you cannot give away the responsibility for the ministry, empowered coaches are effective coaches. Disempowered coaches become burned out middle managers. Your expectation of your coaches should be clear, reasonable and accountable. But, again, don’t approach accountability as an accountant. Give your coaches the benefit of the doubt: “How are your groups doing?” not “Have you followed up on your groups lately?” If your coaching system is in disarray, then you’re probably in the way.
By Allen White
If the plan works right, group members form close-knit bonds. They become a true band of brothers. It’s a cord that’s not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:12). The group has become exactly what everyone wanted. People you can count on. People who know you and you know them. A safe place to deal with the struggles and mess of life. But, sometimes groups become too tight.
Groups over time develop a history. There are stories of victory and defeat. Inside jokes abound. Group is like family. This is all great until someone tries to join the family.
Adding new members to your existing group is often more like getting new in-laws rather than having a new baby. No one resents a new baby, except for the next youngest sibling. But, in-laws are another story. Who is this person? How will they fit in? But, the new in-law is asking questions too.
“Will this group accept me?” “What are they joking about?”
It takes hard work to welcome a new group member into the family (read more here).
I’ve seen great groups become very close-knit over time. They’ve developed a tight bond. But, when prospective members visit the group, they don’t come back. Soon they discover their group is a revolving door. Visitor after visitor comes and goes. It might be time for your group members to move out.
It’s Time for the Kids to Move Out.
No one would ask their infant to move out of the house. They’re so little and vulnerable. You need to nurture and protect them. There may be a case, however, for asking a two-year-old or a teenager to move on. But, parenting responsibility and child neglect laws dictate otherwise. But, there comes a time when your children should move on.
When children become adults, they should be encouraged to fulfill their God-given purpose in life. That purpose is not living in your basement until they’re 35. (Yes, go tell him right now). Group life bears a resemblance.
New and growing believers need some care and guidance. As they learn and grow, they also need additional responsibility over time. They don’t need a co-dependent leader who wants to do everything for them, who never thinks they’re ready to move on, and who needs to be needed. After a season of no more than two years, group members should be encouraged to lead on their own. Leaders often find a million reasons why this shouldn’t happen.
“Who’s that living in your basement, leader?”
Jesus gathered His disciples with the invitation to “Follow me.” After a short season of training, Jesus sent them out to experience ministry for themselves. He gathered them back together and debriefed their experience. Eventually, Jesus died on the cross and ascended into Heaven, leaving His disciples fully in charge of the church on earth.
While group leaders won’t necessarily follow the path to capital punishment, Jesus provided an effective model for developing leaders. The Son of God, who knew everything about His disciples, chose to empower and release them for ministry. The pinnacle of this empowerment was Jesus’ ascension into Heaven. While He promises to be with us always (Matthew 28:20), the disciples reached a place where they needed to serve on their own. Your group members will get there too.
Jesus knew Peter was impulsive. He knew Thomas needed More Evidence That Demands a Verdict. Jesus knew the tension between Simon the Zealot and Matthew the tax collector. Libertarians and Liberals don’t mix well. Jesus knew Judas Iscariot wouldn’t make it. He knew the good, bad and ugly of His small group members, yet He chose to empower them to serve.
If your group has been together for 18-24 months, someone is ready to step out and start a new group. If your group is younger than 18 months, it’s time to pass around the group responsibilities and see who rises to the top. Don’t get stuck with old group members living in your basement.